Just be Happy.

“What should I be when I grow up?”

“You can be whatever you want to be. Just be happy.” Continue reading


The first day of school photos have circulated on Facebook. Now the leaves will begin to fall. Soon, memes bemoaning the drop off lines will fill feeds throughout the Internet. And a new school year will have officially begun.

But not for us.

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My New Uncle

This post goes too far. A superior edit of it first appeared on In The Powder Room and being a little bit removed provided some cover. But now I’m including it on this blog and it may be too much for those who know me.

In fact, if you’re: my mom, my mother-in-law, Kirsten, Cristina, anyone who works with me, Brian, Jennie, Maggie, Claudio, anyone I’ve ever gone to school with, anyone who is friends with me on Facebook, residents of Chicago and Indiana and the United States, English speakers, and non-English speakers, then you must skip this post.  Here, read about the time I stole some doughnuts.

To anyone who is still cleared to read: just promise me we will never meet in real life after you’re done reading. Because I won’t be able to make eye contact.

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I’ll admit it. Before, I may have been a bit of an alarmist. Before, I think I jumped the gun. Before, I didn’t know the range on Monotone Joe’s spectrum of paranoia. Before, I had no idea how loosely held together he is.

Then I came home and found my neighbor, Monotone Joe, in my mulberry. Continue reading

An open letter to those who live outside the U.S. and may have seen Girl Meets World

Dear person who lives outside the U.S. and may have seen Girl Meets World,

There are a few things I need to say to you right now: Continue reading


I am not a crusader. I am no one’s idea of a champion. After reading my thoughts some of you might feel the need to call me a hero. Please don’t. No, I am no hero. I’m just a man. Like all men. With nipples. Continue reading