Elsa invented a game show that will probably lead to many lawsuits. And I helped.
Elsa is 8 and she’s far crazier than I was when I was 8. When she inherits this blog someday, all 10 of you readers will see for yourself.
Yesterday, she kept saying “Would you risk it for a biscuit?” I had no idea that this was a thing that people said. I guess people used to say “Would you risk it for a chocolate biscuit?” six years ago. At least according to Yahoo! Answers. Which is the worst place to go for answers.
Not that it matters much. What matters is that Elsa pulled something from popular culture and made it new and disturbing. Disturbing enough for a show on TLC? Hopefully.
I think this idea would be a perfect “man on the street” type of game show. Like Billy on the Street where Billy Eichner screams at people and shoves a microphone at them. But Elsa’s show would have lots more violence.
I also just looked it up, and a much cooler and gender-neutral way to say “man on the street” is “vox populi.” Or vox pop. And that’s 99 kinds of bad ass. I think I want VOX POP tattooed on my neck. Real big.
Though, as you will see in this case, her show is less vox pop and more “random assault.” Or RAN ASS! I’ll make room on my neck.
Anyway, here’s the idea:
Elsa pulls up in a windowless van and leaps out at “contestants,” carrying a log with four holes in the side.
She shouts the name of the show:
“WOULD YOU RISK IT FOR A BISCUIT?”
The contestant would then have to determine whether or not to risk it for a biscuit.
If they choose to risk it, they’ll be invited to stick their hand into any of the holes in the log.
One hole contains the biscuit. Or so Elsa claims.
Who knows what the other holes contain? There may be sounds and smells coming from some of them that would give you clues, but you’ll need to put your face close to the log to detect them.
Contestants might have a lot of questions initially. Perhaps they’ll wonder:
Shit, that’s a windowless van. None of this feels very official. Should I run?
My god, what’s in that log?
They’re filming this! Is my death going to be in a shock video on CreepyPasta?
Very understandable. Fortunately, the rules of the game will be explained in the theme song. Which Elsa wrote:
Reach into the hole and see what you get
You might die from it
But you have to see what you get
I don’t care if you die
I just want to host a show
After that song, I’m sure they’ll be thinking:
Hmm, I have a one in four chance of finding a delicious biscuit. I like them odds!
Elsa has even offered some illustrations if you’re having a hard time picturing the scene:
Yeah, I helped write the name of the show in the word bubble. Elsa couldn’t be bothered.
Those are some shitty ass photos of Elsa’s art. I’m sure I’ll hear about it from Jill.
Right now we’re looking for funding and maybe getting Netflix to greenlight the first season. You know you’re a power player when you’re looking for people to greenlight your shit. We got ideas that need to be greenlit. Light ’em green.
We need to buy a van. And get a lawyer on retainer.
And get biscuits.
And other things.
Would you risk it?
For a biscuit?