Remember when I wrote about the meat saq? This post is also about something stupid for men to wear. Only this time I wore it. And I’m including photographic evidence.
Every other day the Internet coughs up some stupidity that washes up on Facebook’s shores, prompting people to stand around it and poke at its bloated existence with sticks while chatting about how stupid it is and pondering what to do about it as the world burns behind them.
And then every once in a while some stupid will do something with it, taking countless selfies along the way. Yes, I meant to write “some stupid,” if you’re wondering. Some people are more stupid than human and should just be called stupids. I’m a stupid. As you will see.
Ever do something stupid, that you know is stupid, and it turns out stupid, and then you just feel stupid?
Ever wish you were someone else writing a better post?
One day, Facebook told me about beard baubles. Back around Thanksgiving, this was. I was either super depressed or super happy because I found myself thinking “I should try that.”
Then I just forgot about it.
But then I remembered about it.
Actually, my Virtual Assistant Julie remembered about it and asked if I was going to get them. Without thinking or responding to Julie, I opened my laptop, found them on Amazon, and bought the set of baubles that got the highest customer rating. “Without thinking” is a key phrase.
The pic on the product page looked like this:
My beard doesn’t look like that.
A set of 12 set me back $9.99 and whatever dignity I may have had which wasn’t much.
I wanted to get them before my work’s holiday party so I could wear them to my work’s holiday party. Thank JEEBUS I didn’t. Because this is what I looked like at my work’s holiday party:
And this is what I look like when I wear my Beardaments®:
I understand that this post is too late for some of you. I should have written this sooner. For that, I apologize. Those who were going to buy these for their beards this season have probably already bought them. And I highly doubt these will be a thing next year. Which makes this post pointless. That’s fine. I strive to provide the Finest Nothing on the Internet©. But still. If only I had posted this sooner.
The only thing I can do to make this purchase the tiniest bit worthwhile is work on growing my beard out in time to wear these face ornaments on the Fourth of July. I’ll call them Freedom Balls©.
I can’t wait to show the world my Freedom Balls©.