Oh there are so many wonderful things to see at the petting zoo. So many glorious animals to pet and cute animals to zoo!
We keep all of our most adorable animals at the petting zoo!
“But they’re all goats.”
Be gentle. Don’t rush them. See how they approach you with imploring eyes? They are not like the tigers and bears and sexy slithery snakes. No, the animals in the petting zoo just want to be petted!
Or you can grab a brush and brush them. Go with the fur.
Yes. Obviously. You’re going with the fur. Just like I said. What’s confusing about it? You’re doing exactly as I asked as you’re well aware. Are you stupid or just looking for praise?
Over at the far end you might have noticed the feed dispensers. For just a quarter, you can get a handful of feed and give a handful of love to all the different animals at the petting zoo.
“They’re all goats.”
Look at their fine legs.
Mind the mess! Remember, you’re a guest in their house. Sometimes you’ll come across a pile of doo-doo that we haven’t cleared away yet. That’s just part of the authentic petting zoo experience! You see how their doo-doo is different than our doo-doo? Their doo-doo is like a bunch of pellets that go everywhere! You never feel fully clean.
This little guy’s name is Billy. He was born here just 6 months ago.
“He looks sick.”
His mom is right over there. Her name is Willa! Say hi to Willa! Touch Willa.
“Does he have a dad? Why is he coughing?”
Our human friends here at the petting zoo helped deliver Billy. They’re all trained veterinarians with zoology degrees. Except for Linda. Working with animals is a great career! Animals can’t talk!
Oh look! A squirrel came by for a visit! Mr. Squirrel doesn’t live here, but he sure does like to see his petting zoo friends.
“Can I pet the squirrel?
“Can I ride the goat?”
“Can I touch the goat like this?”
NO YOU LITTLE ASSWIPE THAT’S A PAT! THIS IS NOT A PATTING ZOO! GET TO PETTING OR I WILL TOSS YOUR UNCOOPERATIVE ASS INTO BABOON CANYON!
Don’t forget to use the antibacterial soap to clean your hands on your way out. Clean off the filth. Under your fingernails. We want you to enjoy the rest of your day at the zoo!