I had a blog post about GARDEN HOSE COFFEE all ready for you, but then The Bloggess handed me a record-breaking day and I’m freaking out a little. I just can’t even right now.
I know that technically I’m a guy and guys are supposed to be all aloof and tough and aren’t supposed to freak out, let alone admit to “freaking out a little” on a blog, but I just can’t help myself.
I also know that in the blogging world, my record-breaking day really isn’t shit. So when I drop some numbers up in here, those who know anything about page views will just scoff, mutter “amateur” under their breath, and then watch their tweet about the World Cup get retweeted 3k times.
So this post is insulting to my manhood and my bloggerhood—and still I type!
Here’s what happened: The Bloggess posted a pic of her cat losing his shit over a moth. And I commented on her post with a funny moth-related comment.
Here’s what I wrote:
Once, I was at lunch with a client and there was a moth in my co-worker’s salad. Dressed in ranch dressing. Its dusty wings clinging to its thick body, slathered in white. Its eyes were facing me. Imploring me. Interrogating me. “WHY AM I IN THIS RANCH DRESSING STRAIGHT JACKET? WHAT BARBARIAN’S TORTURE IS THIS?”
My co-worker could not finish her meal. I couldn’t look away from the moth. The moth couldn’t stop mothing.
Then I started getting a bunch of visitors to this site. They were clicking on a link to my Baby Bakery post that was included with my comment to the Bloggess. But they were sticking around, reading other pages and (I imagine) forgetting that they had better things to be doing.
The number of views just kept shooting up. I’m used to getting 50 views on days I bother posting and promoting and just a handful on days when I do nothing.
Within minutes I had 86 visitors and 233 page views.
I was blown away. I also got three comments. So I had fun times responding.
When I checked back, the views jumped to 293.
I peed a little.
And I punched myself in the face.
And I stripped and climbed a tree and got bark all up in my business.
I still couldn’t understand why I was getting this explosion of activity. I’ve commented on Bloggess posts before and enjoyed a few page views, but nothing like this insane acceleration.
Of course I’m also looking at the posts these visitors are reading and thinking OH crap! Not that post! Don’t judge the whole blog by that crappy post! I’m not ready for this! Maybe I should take these crappy posts down and write all new funny posts. Posts that don’t suck and deserve to be read! I thought that about everything these new readers were reading, which means I think this whole blog sucks.
I went back to the Bloggess’s post and looked in the comments to see if I could see why I was enjoying all this traffic.
And I saw this.
Here it is closer.
DO YOU KNOW WHO JENNY IS?? DO YOU?? YES, THAT’S RIGHT, THE BLOGGESS!! AND SHE WROTE “THIS COMMENT IS WHY I BLOG”!!!!!
I fucking died.
I’ve always considered myself extremely lucky to get to know such talented and accomplished people like Kate Hall, but this was entirely different. The page views I got from just a few kind words from the Bloggess broke all of my records. And those were just her scraps.
Because I’m an impossibly socially awkward guy, I flipped open my laptop and started slapping down this post instead of doing anything remotely normal like trying to contact the Bloggess directly to thank her for the nod.
Look, I know I sound like a pathetic fan boy. But I established at the beginning of this piece that I’m completely comfortable admitting that I’m not really a man anyway, so I really don’t care. The fact is, I’ve blogged about the Bloggess before and it’s sort of a big moment for me right now. I’d like to enjoy it. I’ll get back to the GARDEN HOSE COFFEE post in a minute and then I’ll post it and I won’t feel it’s funny enough (or at all) and we can all go back to our neuroses.
For the moment, I’m sitting at 495 page views. And it feels pretty nice.
I know it’s not much. But sometimes not much is everything.